


so maybe that's why it didn't work out

by Shomokamibutternutcrackers



Category: Glee
Genre: Episode: s06e03 Jagged Little Tapestry, F/F, Kurtana, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, s6, sebtana friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 11:43:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29998848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shomokamibutternutcrackers/pseuds/Shomokamibutternutcrackers
Summary: Santana's S6 rant but it's directed at someone who actually deserves it.
Relationships: Kurt Hummel & Santana Lopez, Santana Lopez & Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 8
Kudos: 45





	so maybe that's why it didn't work out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Annie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie/gifts).



> Thank you @funidontlikeyoueither for helping out. Also no one actually dies btw

It was a rushed decision. Santana knew it, but she also knew it felt right, and if there was one thing she was certain of, it was that she regretted not doing things more than doing them. If this was a mistake, she would learn from it; but today, maybe just for today, she could be happy with her hopefully future fiancée and most of her closest friends.

“So I figured this is as good a place as any to ask you this question, mainly because it’s really gonna upset the single guys and gals in here.”

She knew Brittany knew what she really meant. The choir room was a witness to their journey. Falling in love, admitting it, fighting for it, letting it go , and then coming back to it. It only seemed right that it witnessed a few more moments in their journey. 

“I wanna mash up with you forever, Britt. I mean, some people love someone because they make them a better person, and that’s not why I love you. I love you because you’ve always just wanted me to be myself. You’re my favourite person in the whole world, and we’re a big deal, you know?  
And no matter how many times we’ve tried to put our thing down and walk away, we couldn’t because I don’t wanna live my life without my one true love. I normally say a lot of words when I’m saying something negative, so since this is the most positive thing I’m gonna do, I’m gonna keep it simple. Brittany S. Pierce, will you marry me?”

“Woo! Go get your girl, Lopez!” Quinn cheered

“Oh my god I’d love to!” Brittany exclaimed without a moment's hesitation. 

Kurt was skeptical about this sudden proposal, since he’d had his own share of them. Sure, both girls looked so much more at home in each other's arms than he ever had in Blaine’s. Brittany didn’t look like a deer caught in headlights, like he can only assume he must’ve looked, even if no one had noticed, so he wanted to notice for his friends. He hadn’t been ready to say yes, but he did to spare everyone else the heartache and disappointment. He didn’t want the same fate to befall his friends. For everyone else, it had been a day in their lives, but for Kurt it was everything.

“I’m sorry, as romantic as this is-” Blaine began.

Tina snorted, interrupting him. “Who asked you Blaine? You cheat on everyone you date.”

Blaine ignored her, albeit looked a bit ruffled and discouraged, he seemed to stiffen. “Did you learn nothing from Kurt and I? We’re too young to get married. All of us.”

“Well, okay. Can I just say, being the stone cold bitch that I am, I can’t hate this engagement. You guys are perfect together. Congratulations,” Sebastian said, his tone sickeningly sweet.

“Thank you, Sebastian, for acting like a normal person with manners at my proposal,” Santana replied, her tone equally saccharine, something dangerous brewing underneath their smiles.

“Oh Britt, I forgot to tell you Sue wants to see you in her office, like right now.” Santana told Brittany.

“I don't know where the mice came from!” she pleaded before scurrying off.

Santana frowned because she didn’t know what she was talking about. She had lied to get her wife-to-be (oh god) out of the way of bloodshed, since Sue wouldn’t mind Brittany popping into her office. She’d always had a soft spot for the Unholy Trinity and Kurt. Santana turned to Blaine. Her face turned pensive. “You might be right, Blaine.”

Blaine smiled smugly.

“Maybe I am making a rash decision, we are very young.”

Blaine seemed to physically relax. He almost glowed, basking in “Santana Lopez is taking an L for me.” 

Santana smiled; Kurt and Sebastian recognized it as the satisfied hunting smirk of the tigress who had her prey right where she wanted them; the prey didn’t realize they were inches away from a trap, about to be backed into a corner and torn to pieces.

“Or maybe,” she continued, “your engagement didn’t work out because Kurt was afraid hair gel users all over the world would protest in front of your doorstep everyday because you’re hoarding the worldwide supply.”

Blaine looked incredibly surprised and confused. Sebastian looked amused. Kurt got up and attempted to walk out.

“Porcelain, stay.” Kurt flopped down beside Brad.

“Maybe he finally dumped your ass because he was afraid he would inevitably get arrested for statutory rape because some cop mistook you for a toddler.” She shrugged exaggeratedly like a game show host.

“I mean, dressing like Urkel wearing a tapestry made out of every Sesame Street character certainly doesn’t help,” Sebastian drawled, lounging on two chairs pushed together.

Santana nodded at him. “Maybe he thought, “Hey I don’t wanna marry an even whinier, more self-centred, immature, selfish and manipulative hobbit than Rachel Berry. Maybe he did not want to bend over every time he kissed his husband.”

“What?” Blaine said.

“Can it, Scalene Brow.” She raised her palm as a silencing gesture. “Maybe he finally got creeped out by your morbid serial killer-like obsession with puppets that is indicative of a need to control everything. Maybe he didn’t want to be screeched at for three hours straight for using a towel to do something towels are meant for.” 

She placed her hands on Kurt’s shoulders, protectively. He looked down at his shoes and grimaced, feeling extremely uneasy about having his dirty laundry aired out in public. Thinking about how Blaine had prioritized rescuing a puppet from Sue over coming to his show.

“Most of us have done much worse than wipe toothpaste on a towel.” Some boy mumbled.

Santana widened her eyes in part disgust and partly to say my point exactly. 

“Lady Hummel probably just wanted someone who could handle not getting attention 24/7, like an infant with low blood sugar. Maybe he got tired of watching you drape yourself across every piano you happen to pass to entertain exactly no one with uncomfortably emotional acoustic covers of shitty pop songs while you make faces that make you look like you’re getting a colonoscopy, instead of just talking about your feelings like the rest of us. Maybe he wanted some guy who could be happy for him when something good happened to his boyfriend without being jealous or his utterly pathetic inferiority complex acting up.” She picked up her pace to get everything off her chest quicker.

“Just a wild guess but he probably wanted to prevent you from comparing any more deaths of pets with the passing of his immediate family members.”

Mike mouthed a “WHAT?” to Kurt

“Don’t ask.” he mouthed back, a look of tired distaste on his face 

Most of the students and ND alums gradually began filing out of the choir room. The only people that remained were Blaine, who was slowly getting redder and redder in the face, Kurt, seated beside Brad, and Sebastian.

“Maybe he couldn’t stand your infuriating self aggrandizing lecture about how you two were on the very apex of the gay rights movement because you were getting married before you even graduated high school by springing a public proposal on someone you cheated on to force them to say yes.”

“Maybe he wanted to be with someone who knew more than two dance moves,” Sebastian provided.

“Spinning on his heels and?” Santana said.

“ And the side by side shuffle,” Brad said before the tall Warbler alum could.

Blaine looked stupefied that even Brad had had the nerve to participate in his humiliation. 

“Come on, guys, sometimes he does hand stuff,” Kurt said meekly, making vague hand gestures that resembled dancing.

Everyone but Blaine and Kurt burst into laughter. Kurt didn’t seem to get the joke and Blaine had his fists balled; he was breathing heavily.

“He could have just wanted someone who won’t fuck anything that moves after two sips of beer or just after two weeks of blue balls, but maybe I’m reaching. Someone who didn’t belittle his interests and stifle everything he stood for. I think one day he just woke up and said “You know what? I don’t wanna get shit for breathing near men who find me attractive. I’d like the luxury of making friends that is reserved for Blaine.' ” 

“What are you talking about?” Blaine yelled.

Santana rolled her eyes. “Or maybe he didn’t want to be publicly serenaded on a daily basis without his consent. Mind you, not the worst non-consensual thing to happen in your relationship.”

Blaine got up abruptly. His eyes turned to slits. “What are you accusing me of, Santana? What lies have you been feeding her, Kurt?” he said, voice dripping with fury, not looking away from Santana.

“Blaine, it’s okay.” She laughed, her voice laced with faux compassion. “I know it must suck to suck this bad, but stop being bitter about me and Brittany and go to therapy, or fuck a felt puppet of Sam. I don’t care, it's your life.” 

A puppet is all she could offer him since Sam had spent an entire afternoon complaining to her about Blaine’s inconsiderate comments about his stripping to her before he stopped hanging out with him altogether. Though, knowing Blaine, he might just find yet another person who threatened to kill Kurt in high school to date.

Santana tapped Kurt’s shoulder. “Come on, King. I’m not gonna let you cry over a guy whose hair looks painted on. Your concealer costs 400 dollars”

Kurt pushed her hand away and walked away in silence. It hurt to relive his last five years with Blaine through such a candid lens. It wasn’t Santana’s fault, but it felt easier to ignore her right now. He would talk to her later.


End file.
